~A Sarcastic List of Tips for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse~
We at Contagious Reads firmly believe in learning all there is to know about surviving the Z-Poc. We also firmly believe in laughing even in the face of the undead.
Here is a list of things we learned that will help (or maybe not) us survive Z-Day and beyond!
1. Don’t trust anyone. Not even your own family. (Basically every post apocalyptic thing ever).
2. Twinkies are worth it. So says Zombieland. Although, in reality, Ho-hos are better.
3. Moaning and shuffling your feet is enough to trick a zombie into thinking you’re one of them. (Shaun of the Dead)
4. Covering yourself in putrefying zombie guts is ACTUALLY required to trick a zombie. (TWD)
5. Having inbred relations is okay, once there are no parents to tell you not to. (How I Live Now)
6. When times are tough, and the pressure is mounting NOTHING is better than a long winded monologue that goes on for half an hour. It’s not like the zombies are actually a real threat. (TWD)
7. People from Iowa turn into psycho hillbillies. AVOID IOWA AT ALL COSTS! (Deathly Contagious)
8. Being a conjoined twin with a zombie baby isn’t half as bad as you’d expect it to be. (Little Dead Man by Jake Bible)
9. If you get bit, just hack it off and quickly. (TWD)
10. Don’t count anything out as a weapon. Your life depends on it, make it work. (Shaun of the Dead)
11. The government established ‘safe zone’ is NEVER safe. Avoid it at all costs. (Every apocalyptic scenario ever.)
12. When the apocalypse starts you will magically become a zombie killing badass. No experience necessary. (Dawn of the Dead and several other movies/books, except Ving Rhames he’s been in a million zombie movies. HE GETS IT.)
13. Aim for the head. Double tap. (TWD, Shaun of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead remake and every other zombie thing out there.)
14. Cars are easily hotwired, so don’t worry about finding a good set of wheels. (Again basically every single zombie thing out there).
15. If you must partner up, make sure it’s a hot Marine! (The Contagium Series)
We plan to survive and thrive!!
And if our plans fail and we get bit, here are the first people we’re going to eat!
1. My Grandma……. shhh. I’m a horrible granddaughter I’ve already come to terms with that.
2. My older sister and her family. HER. WHOLE. FAMILY.
3. My boss.
4. Justin Bieber. And any singer from One Direction. Or any boy band for that matter. I’m eating all of their faces.
5. Kit Harington so he can be my zombie husband.(Uh you mean my zombie husband…psh).
6. Any team mascot in a puffy suit that I can get my hands on.
7. Chip n Dale dancers. Undead doesn’t mean unsexy.
8. Emily Goodwin, so we wouldn’t have to miss her so much!
9. William Shatner. Just because. He’s the Shat!!
10. Toni Lesatz. At this point, she must know everything there is to know about zombies, and I’d rather have her on MY side.
~About Contagious Reads~
Contagious Reads was founded on a whim by Lori in April/May of 2012. At the time it was called ‘What I’m Digging Now’. Shortly after reading Contagious by Emily Goodwin, Lori and her co-blogger Kami decided that Contagious Reads was the perfect name for their blog since they both read and loved everything zombie.
Lindsay and Elyse joined Contagious Reads in 2013. The girls still blog all things zombie, but they read other things too.
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